My Worst Nightmere

I woke up into a nightmare.

Hoping I’m still asleep

This pain can’t bare

It hurts me way too deep

Feeling confused, my head feels light

Breathing is heavy, my chest is tight

Waves of heat , blurry sight,

My mind becomes frozen. Numb to a fight

Please

wake me up, let me feel the pinch

But I’m so numb, I don’t even flinch

I sit in a trance, a paralyzed stare

All of these years, I’ve been right there

Through your darkest times, when you were scared

Held you tighter, when none else cared

You had my word when vows were shared.

Many years and memories, now here we stand.

A hole in my heart, ring on my hand.

Piecing together what I don’t understand

You are not who I married, I don’t know this man.

So in stuck here in life,  living pretend,

Waisting myself alone till the end

PEACE of Mind

The second my eyes open, the rusty wheels begins to turn with a slow, agonizing Creek. The piercing sound, a painful reminder that another long day is ahead of me. Another battle, another sunrise waiting in anticipation only for it to set. Then, I crawl back to hideaway, my safty, deep behind my lids, back to where everything is nothing.  The one place i can escape from myself.  Where i can catch my breath, relax every tired muscle in my body and wrap myself in the warmth of silence. For what just feels like a brief moment in time, everything is shut off. Lights out, the last chatter of worried thoughts fade.
Without a mute button. A pause, EVERY DECISION, every choice seconed guessed, third guessed, forth guessed…. Makes it hard to get through my day with a sense of satisfaction. So, I sit wrapped up in guilt, a familier feeling always lingering above me like a dark cloud. A nagging emotion that I am constantly feeling the need to make up for. Only no amount of of giving or doing, undoing,  changing, rearanging will take it away.  I will still never give up the endless effort of trying .
I beg to get out of myself. I beg for just a little PEACE of mind.

ONCE WE’RE OLD

Surfacing slowly, from abstract to defined,
Pieces are fitting, matching up with perfect time,
Memories tangible, once solid as they stand,
Now fight to hold on, but fall like quick sand,
Pieces of me Although faded and bent,
leave memories like scars, of paths we once went,
Desperate to feel time, moments I carrie,
Digging out the deepest I tried to bury,
Matching the pieces, like the puzzle we are,
Connecting the dots that got us this far,
fighting the focus, blurred to make right,
From years of crossing my eyes to distort the sight,
Letting my fingers feel and touch every scar,
Remembering each memory that led me this far,
My marks like engravings, a time I once knew,
Moments kept with me, for proof that I grew,
So here before me a mirror and my reflection,
Only this time admiring imperfection,
Disappointment no option, once nothing to fear,
Accepting the beauty that comes with each year,
Past moulds us makes us beautifly unique,
Blessing in disguise lay mistakes we must keep,
Our past define us, let a story be told,
Into wisdom we trust understood once we are old

PERFECTLY IMPERFECT

Finally this moment I’ve been waiting for,  silence just me and my thoughts,
Trying to untangle the messed up bits, my life has tied in knots,
With the speed of this ride, my conscience blurred,  once see in perfect sight,
While the heat of the moment straps me in, held down for the flight,
One day got life figured out, than tomorrow feels so different,
Standing strong and true to my heart, next discovering all that isn’t,
Chaos running, stomach sick, defeated thoughts, that won’t  back down,
Fooling myself with a calm, cool reflection, when deeper I’m scarred with a frown,
The devil one shoulder (the hate you love), against the angel that fights to outshine,
Clouds rolling in the darkness, blurred the direction I can’t define,
Humming loudly with Fingers in ears, to keep out all my thoughts,
Desperately searching for tool I need to connect all the dots,
Longing for a silence, like a breath of fresh air, music to my ears,
Searching for the voice inside to scare away  my fears,
Hope fading, faster than the light on the other side,
Ignoring neon colours, my lids will try to hide,
Nights darkness settles in, craving the colors that I shed,
I’m always one step ahead of myself, like hunger that’s never fed,
Time my savior, strips me bare, relieving shoulders tired heavy and dense,
All I left reveal, is simple common sense,
I finally surrender myself, giving in to what I’ve always known,
To find out what I’ve been searching for, imperfection is mine to own

Once was Lost

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Finally moving on along lifes path, creating new steps along my way
Distance must feel me fading, while hopes light guides my way
Never glance back upon dark travelled roads.

Self-forgiveness reassure my doubt, light revives my soul.
Beauty forgotten lost in time, hidden among fog and cold

Pull yourself out through the forgotten parts inside,
Along with every worried face, now swallow down your pride,
My conscious, my guilt saves my spirit, turned my direction home
Among confusion, found the perfect fit for me to owned
With every breath i took, satisfied  in what I thought
From a perspective  grew a wisdom that cant be taught

With a new piece of myself I know will be close kept

enhansing importance i Inhaling  beauty impossible to forget

With promises to rise me up,i  gained  backbone through my pride
allowed once to trade in for emptiness a hollow made inside
I will wake up each morning to appreciate my day
Inhale todays scent than exhale it all away
Out with toxins energy, ignite todays new glow
Radiating through every limb, then slowly let it go.
With every worry, every darkness and guilt shamed face
Shredding every memory my past will not erase

Your once shamed words, mistakes you never wish away
Creates bittersweet wisdom,  carried always in my day,
Happiness is finding yourself, loving every imperfection, accepting every flaw
insecurities and difference, define who we are.
When you feel your confidence rise, inner beauty shining through
Carry yourself with that positive glow, that will always follows you.