Repeat

Getting sick of this song,  this tired of the tune,

But I’m humming along, while my heart it consumes

The beat becomes me,  lost in my day

While this endless track left stuck on replay

Replay

Replay

Replay

Instead of a skip, I want to finish and take myself to bed

Plug my ears and close my eyes from this noise now stuck in my head

I’ll wait for a change, prey for something new

But I dont know how much I can put myself through

I’ve tried and listened to switch up your beat

But I’m afraid that I can’t stay for another repeat

My Worst Nightmere

I woke up into a nightmare.

Hoping I’m still asleep

This pain can’t bare

It hurts me way too deep

Feeling confused, my head feels light

Breathing is heavy, my chest is tight

Waves of heat , blurry sight,

My mind becomes frozen. Numb to a fight

Please

wake me up, let me feel the pinch

But I’m so numb, I don’t even flinch

I sit in a trance, a paralyzed stare

All of these years, I’ve been right there

Through your darkest times, when you were scared

Held you tighter, when none else cared

You had my word when vows were shared.

Many years and memories, now here we stand.

A hole in my heart, ring on my hand.

Piecing together what I don’t understand

You are not who I married, I don’t know this man.

So in stuck here in life,  living pretend,

Waisting myself alone till the end

The fight Inside

From a child, I was taken and made to adapt,
Physically I was seen, while Inside kidnapped
Feelings kept hidden, so no one could see
Controlled every step, every word, even thoughts were not free
With no balance or middle, to only one extreme
Every step well analyzed, to which way I lean
If I can’t walk, then I bounce, can’t fly I’m beneath
My mouth hung open, or gritting my teeth
I carry with me another, that fights with my thoughts
Every tangle I want straighten he tights back in knots
In sync with his breath, in or exhaling
His features now show, while reflection is fading
Like a lazar that radiates to my fingertips
Like tug of war he pulls me in with its grips
Wringing out my heart, twisting my mind
If I cant see him in front, I know he’s behind
Im getting exhausted, and empty, with spirits left drained
Trying to keep hold the little bit of me ive gained
Drawing every breath, and safe spot that I hide
He calls the shots, my hands are now tied
So tight Im sufficating, from his growing fit
Hes a raging fire, from the candle I lit
No voice to hear, blind eyes to see
But stronger then life, tucked inside of me
From a drip to a stream, from a rip to a hole
A barley heard whisper is left from my soul
Only hope of, a bang of an asteroid to change direction
Turning me round from this dead end im left in
Facing me forward with my miles layed ahead
only my steps as I walk and the words that I said

I Miss Him

I’ve been doing a lot of pretending lately, I’ve been doing a lot of denying,
Ignoring reality, inside feels miserable, tired of all the self-lying
I know feelings are a hard to hear, I’m want you to know I’m trying
My feelings are hard to hold inside when my composer is unwinding
I wear my heart. I know you’d rather me keep it locked up and hiding
Holding myself back, in front of the one I should confide in
We were once two people crazy in love, there is no denying
The best times included you, I always stood solidly beside him

Back down to earth, seeing clearly. the light that high was blinding
It’s TRUE THEY SAY what goes up, and here we are now sliding
I gave you all of me, all I had, but now I need you trying
I’m in this relationship alone these says, I’ve started realizing
We were the fire, we lit each others worlds, now it’s fading, it’s dying
Why can’t I let him go, I’m scared, I’m stuck, I’m alone, I’m tied in
I want to go back again to those days, I want to do some rewinding
He was amazing, I miss him, I miss us, I hope one day I find him

Again

PEACE of Mind

The second my eyes open, the rusty wheels begins to turn with a slow, agonizing Creek. The piercing sound, a painful reminder that another long day is ahead of me. Another battle, another sunrise waiting in anticipation only for it to set. Then, I crawl back to hideaway, my safty, deep behind my lids, back to where everything is nothing.  The one place i can escape from myself.  Where i can catch my breath, relax every tired muscle in my body and wrap myself in the warmth of silence. For what just feels like a brief moment in time, everything is shut off. Lights out, the last chatter of worried thoughts fade.
Without a mute button. A pause, EVERY DECISION, every choice seconed guessed, third guessed, forth guessed…. Makes it hard to get through my day with a sense of satisfaction. So, I sit wrapped up in guilt, a familier feeling always lingering above me like a dark cloud. A nagging emotion that I am constantly feeling the need to make up for. Only no amount of of giving or doing, undoing,  changing, rearanging will take it away.  I will still never give up the endless effort of trying .
I beg to get out of myself. I beg for just a little PEACE of mind.

ONCE WE’RE OLD

Surfacing slowly, from abstract to defined,
Pieces are fitting, matching up with perfect time,
Memories tangible, once solid as they stand,
Now fight to hold on, but fall like quick sand,
Pieces of me Although faded and bent,
leave memories like scars, of paths we once went,
Desperate to feel time, moments I carrie,
Digging out the deepest I tried to bury,
Matching the pieces, like the puzzle we are,
Connecting the dots that got us this far,
fighting the focus, blurred to make right,
From years of crossing my eyes to distort the sight,
Letting my fingers feel and touch every scar,
Remembering each memory that led me this far,
My marks like engravings, a time I once knew,
Moments kept with me, for proof that I grew,
So here before me a mirror and my reflection,
Only this time admiring imperfection,
Disappointment no option, once nothing to fear,
Accepting the beauty that comes with each year,
Past moulds us makes us beautifly unique,
Blessing in disguise lay mistakes we must keep,
Our past define us, let a story be told,
Into wisdom we trust understood once we are old

SCARED TO DEATH

My thoughts hang over my days like a dark cloud I can’t escape
Me and My excessive over empathy only adds to the pain. Plus the additional pain of every other person in my life.
I go through life, Eyes glues open forced to face each countless pain that awaits me.
My fear of loss, tragedy, failure are completely overpowering and debilitating . I can’t avoid or predicate when or who or what will happen in my future. The fact that it is realistic and inevitable that something will happen at some point to someone I love, makes me feel completely hopeless. I wish I could not see this coming, I wish i could ignor it, that I’m was oblivious to the future. Blind to the reality of life.
I wonder if these thoughts that torture me everyday (the waiting game) are actually worse than the event itself? Why does it feel like nobody else is terrified, when everyone knows it’s part of their future? Why can I not let it go? Forget it for a while and enjoy my life in the moment?
We age and time passes in front of us. Before we think to stop and take a deep look, or get to enjoy it, feel it, take this moment in. Time gets in the way and steals it from us. When we realize this, its already gone. Our youth our energy, our moment, out life.
Life is full of amazing moments and amazing people. I do feel very blessed to be surrounded by so much beauty in my life.
These people I feel so deeply about. I could not imagine pain in any one of their lives.
I hurt for my loved ones when they hurt. The more I love, the more I feel, the more I hurt.
The meaningful moments that happen within our lives are already crushed by the terrible thoughts that i know will devastatingly unbearable.
My thoughts that tainted any love and enjoyment , any precious memories and happy times. Like a tease. It pains me to think, is this as good as it will get?
At the end of the day. Sadness will outshine all other happiness, aswell as our positive feelings and emotions.
I’m scared. Im scared of life, I’m scared of waiting, I’m scared of being completly fucking happy. Im scared to Love. I know it will be a steep fall from that height.